3-27-14: if you don't already know, my Daddy is my hero. He was the first to show me exactly how a father should love so that I could grow to know THE Father's love. I would NEVER trade him for another. Today he went in for a heart cath. His blood pressure has been crazy high and he has been feeling extremely run down with occasional tightness in his chest. He has always been like the energizer bunny so seeing him slow down has been a bit strange. We were hoping the heart cath would come back clear but if anything we were hoping they could just insert some stints. Not the case. His main artery is heavily blocked and several lower arteries have blockages. The surgeon was very surprised that he had not already had a heart attack. This morning in my readings and time with God (before Dad had his cath done) I was reminded to "be thankful". Even when things aren't going my way and get tough or confusing "be thankful". So through the day I have focused on God's hand in this and all the reasons I should be thankful.
1. Dad did not have a heart attack.
2. I got to pray for "cappy" with my three year old this morning and listen to his sweet heart and words.
3. We had a fun filled family night last night. Complete with all THREE grand kids.
4. God brought my brother back to Memphis yesterday. Perfect timing. His family is living with mom and dad until they find their own place. He can help with the "heavy lifting" things around the house and he is familiar with the family business so he can step in when need be.
5. We have some pretty amazing friends that are praying with us and for us.
6. My Heavenly Father SPEAKS TO ME! He comforts me and knows what I need (and what I don't need).
So tonight I go to bed reminded not to be consumed by things of this world. Instead I give thanks for God's love, provisions and blessings along the way. Even when it's not my way.
3-29-14: finding peace when worry and fear creeps in has always been hard for me. I tend to overthink things and play out "what if" scenarios in my mind. This can lead to some major anxiety. Over the last few days I have truly been filled with peace that only He can provide. Over and over I hear my heavenly Daddy calling my name and asking me to draw closer to Him. By doing this I have found real peace. I am so thankful for my faithful friends that have been calling me, texting me and praying for Dad. God's tangible love being seen and felt because of other people. Love works!
3-31-14: afternoon: dad is in surgery now and I have been finding comfort in His word. I have had so many earthly angels calling and texting today and then I came across this sweet scripture "an anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." Proverbs 12:25 His living word in action, so thank you all so much. You have really lifted me up. I am really leaning in to God and casting my fears to Him. I read something in "Jesus Lives" and it said if you pulled the pin in a grenade you wouldn't sit and hold it or throw it by your feet, you would throw it as far as possible. Throw that grenade to God and let him take it and throw it so far that you are protected. Every time I start to worry I throw it to Him and peace comes quickly. I love my God!
Evening: mom and I got to go back and see dad tonight. Before we went back mom said "are we ready for this?" Being the good daughter I am (hahaha) I lied and said yes! I had already prepared myself for seeing him at his worst so I said aloud all the things she and I needed to hear. "Everything now is just to help him. We are through the scariest part. From here he only gets stronger." I think I said it flmore for myself than for her. As we walked down the hall (which by the way felt a lot longer on the way there than when I left) I said a quick prayer just between God and myself. I asked him for peace, comfort and strength. I didn't want to cry around Dad because ANY time I cry (happy, sad or mad) he cries too. In that moment I was filled with even more peace and more hope. When we walked in I was so surprised. He actually looked so much better than what I had prepared for. He was still on the ventilator so his lip sagging was a bit strange but his color was amazing and he just looked like my dad. He was breathing on his own some, was awake and responsive and was pretty ticked about the restraints on his hands. So for tonight I would say things are going well. Thank you, God, for wise doctors and nurses. Thank you for a successful surgery. Please continue to walk with my Dad, and carry him when he needs it, as he embarks on his recovery!
4-1-14: so today I had my meltdown. Dad came off the ventilator, sat up in his chair, got up and walked and even face timed the kids. He is doing so great. Guess that gave me a little room to focus on all my "problems". Ooops! It didn't help that my truck broke down the day they called and said our car was fixed or that the garage door fell off the track as I was in a hurry to get car seats installed in the other car and pick Isaiah up at school on time. One of my sweet friends called and asked what she could do for me and I pretty much unloaded. Within an hour I had to apologize to her for all of my complaining. I should be thankful my dad is doing so well. Thankful my kids and husband are healthy and happy. Thankful we own two cars and have a house that has a garage to break. Ahhhhhh America problems! It's funny how a little relief from the worries of your heart can make a teeny amount of space for that poison to sink in. So here's to a better tomorrow and a chance to get it right.
4-7-14: Dad got to come home today. I am so glad the hospital portion of this journey is over. Looking back on the week I definitely see how God gave me strength and carried me through emotionally. Not to say I didn't hit my breaking point a few times, but He was always there to pick me back up. The past days have been pretty tough on me emotionally. It's hard to see the person who has always been such a busy body and leader have to sit back and depend on my mom and us for support. I think there is a reason for everything though and I know Dad will be back on his feet, running circles around us all in no time.
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