Happy New Year

This Christmas season was very revealing for me. I had a wonderful time celebrating Christmas and seeing it through Isaiah's eyes but it also surfaced a lot of emotions I have been pressing down. Spiritually and emotionally I have definitly been hanging out in the valley. I realize that all moments in life cannot be mountaintop moments but being down in the valley is not a fun place to be for too long. In sunday school one of the speakers said that sometimes God brings us pain to show us something. Then during the sermon it was like He made everything clear to me. The details of all my junk are unimportant at this time but I am ready for the new year and I am ready to change the way I am feeling. I know that I have to make some changes and meet God on this journey. Our church is doing 21 days of prayer and fasting and we have been encouraged to "pray like children". Be yourself, be persistent, believe that God will say yes and be relational. I am currently fasting one meal a day but my goal is to fast two meals a day by next week. More importantly I have decided to fast from facebook for the next 21 days. When I think of the importance of fasting in my life I see it as giving up something that builds a wall between God and me. I wouldn't say that I "live" on facebook , but by habit everytime my phone rings or texts or emails I then immediately check fb. Why do I care so much about people's fb realities? We only share the things we want people to know and we create the life we want people to see (and I'm not saying I wish people would use it to share all their junk I'm just pointing out that it is not reality). We live in a shattered world. We live in a world where people are more comfortable communicating via text, email, fb, etc than picking up the phone and calling or going to lunch to talk face to face. I look at teenagers when they are out in public (and sometimes even adults and families) and it terrifies me. I don't want my son glued to his electronic device some day. I want him building meaningful relationships with other christians who can hold him accountable, I want him building meaningful relationships with non-christians who challenge him and I want him building meaningful relationships with his mom and dad. But most importantly I want him to have a personal relationship with God. I want an even closer realtionship with God! I want to give up my fb time for time talking to my Father. To tell him all the things I am thankful for and cry about all the things that are hurting me. To ask with child like faith for protection over my family, a God loving wife for Isaiah one day, for another child to add to our family that will also find a God loving spouse, for health and happiness, so much love that our hearts are bursting, for a spiritual revival in this city, in the state, in this country and in this world! I want God to reveal to me His calling for me. To use me for the good of His Kingdom. Here is my prayer for today: "God I just thank you for all that you are. I can never thank you enough for the ultimate sacrifice you sent when you sent your son to die for me. But that's the beauty of your grace, right? Please help me with the sadness I am feeling and replace those dark holes with love, laughter, peace and happiness. Protect my family from harm and keep us all healthy this year. Help me find a christian woman or a group of christian women that can help keep me accountable and encouraged. Show me the work you have for me. Continue to bless Mike and his career. Protect our marriage. Thank you for blessing me with a husband that loves you first and me second. Thank you for the friends you have already put in my life that pray for me and with me, that encourage me with texts and phone calls and know how to make me smile (even if they are 800 miles away)! Most of all thank you for loving me and always seeking me even if it does require some pain. I guess I can be pretty hard headed sometimes! Amen"