Well, it's official! I will not be returning to the classroom next year (atleast not with Polk County). I will miss my Pinewood co-workers and students dearly but as any teacher today knows it has become such a time consuming career with all the paper work and hours of lesson planning. You can get so wrapped up that you lose your focus. My main focus has always been my relationship with my students but (as most things go) the county wants more, more, more. I'm all about being a great teacher but I think it has gone way too far. My main priority is to be a great mom now. For me, I couldn't see taking Isaiah to daycare at 7am and not picking him up until 5pm only to put him to bed at 630pm. I understand that many parents have to make this choice and I am in NO WAY passing judgement, this is just what is best for our family and God has blessed Michael with a career that allows us do to this. Financially we have made many sacrifices and they have all been worth it. We live the Dave Ramsey lifestyle to the best of our abilities (thanks Dad).
I have struggled quite a bit with this choice as I have been going through a bit of an identity crisis. I love my son very much but I was so used to being a teacher and having a career. I never once thought I wouldn't LOVE the opportunity to stay at home. It was my "dream". It has been a struggle. I have given up lots of adult interaction and have replaced it with tears, laughs, dirty diapers, first smiles, dirty bottles, play time and lots of laundry. It's such a change from the life I have lived the last 8 years. It's not about me and Mike anymore, it's all about Isaiah.
I have been praying and searching a lot for my greater purpose in life. Mike and I are involved in a small group called "Chazown" where we are discovering God's unique plan for each of us individually. I really feel like He is calling me to branch out and do some new things. I am praying to find just the right balance between parenting and outreach. I love spending time with my son and I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING in this world, but I am feeling the tug at my heart to raise him by example. I want to make a difference. When my time comes to meet my maker I don't want to have any regrets. I want to look back and know my life had purpose, that I made a difference and mostly that I had a hand in preparing His kingdom! I am looking forward to this new chapter and I am excited to see where it takes me. Maybe a part time job, maybe some volunteer or mentoring opportunities.....time will tell!
